Label Fail.

Calm and Factual Label

I have this thing about label makers.

Something about those neat, white strips, calmly stating important facts in no-nonsense typeface just speaks to me.

I figure if I were to own a label maker, I would finally become Organised Lady. My household would run like a well-oiled machine. My children would arrive on Book Week Day wearing elaborate hand-sewn costumes. Friends would pop over for a spontaneous catch-up to find me relaxing in an immaculate house, the smell of a delicious, healthy treat wafting out of the (shiny, clean) oven.
I wanted that label maker.

But, I remonstrated with myself, such things really are an expensive extravagance. There really isn’t much I can achieve with a label maker that I can’t also achieve with a permanent marker and a roll of masking tape…

And I almost believed myself.

But then, last week, Mr Knightley casually commented that he’d seen label makers on special at the local stationery emporium. Was that something I could use?

When I had fully recovered my powers of speech, I reassured Mr Knightley, in an abundance of words, rapidly spoken, that I did indeed covet – er, need – such an object.

The Precious

Oh, just look at it.

I didn’t know it was going to be pink. I know it’s childish, but I love it when things are bright pink. I was thoroughly over-excited by my new acquisition.

But I wasn’t the only one.

It started when Harry took my label maker to a quiet corner, typed out the entire alphabet and then printed several labels to commemorate this achievement.

I admonished Harry, confiscated the label maker and placed it high out of reach.

Harry watched and waited.

The next time I pulled down the label maker, Harry was ready. The first moment my back was turned, Harry absconded with it to further investigate this mechanical wonder. This time, he managed to jam it all up. I firmly resolved, as I extracted scraps of twisted labels with my eyebrow tweezers, to keep the precious contraption out of reach at all times on the top shelf of the pantry, next to the Milo tin.
Which brings us to this morning.

After coaxing a particularly reluctant Annie out of a dirty nappy and into her cot for a sleep, I returned to the kitchen to find Harry covered in Milo. In the moments that followed, I took in the following information:

  1. A kitchen stool had been pushed into the pantry
  2. The label maker was now on the bench
  3. Harry had merrily printed off THE REST OF THE TAPE whilst sitting at the bench eating Milo

Here’s what happened next:

  1. I started yelling and storming about the house like a demented rhino, firing off abusive texts to my husband.
  2. Harry burst into tears and then rubbed his tear-stained Milo face all over my top.
  3. Christopher Robin walked through the floor-Milo and tracked it through the house
  4. Annie woke up.

Label Maker Mess

I had a read over the warranty, but there’s nothing in it to cover the wanton destruction brought about by insane two-year-old saboteurs…

My one consolation is that Dymo – or, indeed, Milo – might approach me with an endorsement deal for introducing my readers (yes, both of them!) to the wonders of their product.

Perhaps they could pay me in label cartridges?


19 thoughts on “Label Fail.

  1. Monica

    Pretty sure I am who you are thinking of. Maybe you need to ask me a question that only I would know the answer. Then we’ll both know if I am who I think I am.

  2. Monica

    Hmm… I really don’t know the answer to that one. Perhaps it was so embarrassing that I’ve blocked it out. How many Monicas do you know?? I’m a little older than you.


    I’m the Monica you know!!
    (Sorry you know I’m not – I just felt a Friends/Seinfeld moment happening there). As for the label maker post – your 2 year old is switched on/bright/resourceful. Why do they need to be all those things though when the baby should be sleeping LOL?

    1. katelikestocreate Post author

      My daughter’s looking over my shoulder trying to work out what’s making me laugh so much at my phone! Surely, deep down inside, we are all the Monica I know. As for Harry, all I can hope is that one day he puts his resourcefulness to better use than driving his mother to distraction!

  4. Monica

    I’m glad everyone wants to be ‘The Monica That I Know’. I feel so popular!

    Also, what was the embarrassing secret revealed at P’s 21st? I asked her and she wasn’t sure either. Maybe she’s blocked it out too.

    1. katelikestocreate Post author

      She and “Jan” went skinny dipping with some other friends. The whole time the story was being told, P was saying “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry” to her parents and they were laughing their heads off!

  5. Pingback: Label Fail – The Sequel | Laptop on the Ironing Board

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